Shortish lead-in this week, as I’m somehow still tired even though I zonked out in the middle of the afternoon for a while. The way I described it to my wife was that it was like I’d just switched off; like when an iPhone runs out of battery mid-doomscroll.
This is happening because my depression has been louder, more intense over the past few months and I guess I’m just in the place where it’s truly starting to mess with me, currently through my sleep cycle. I thought I was near the tail end of this wave, but apparently it’s not quite done with me yet which just strikes me as unfair.
Almost as unfair as it is to my wife to be living with someone who can just click off like a lightbulb at any point. Today is Mother’s Day, when we’re all reminded of our shortcomings as sons and fathers by comparison to the moms in our lives. I also have always felt like Mother’s Day is unfair to my wife anyway since her birthday lands only a few days before. With the two so close, it’s hard to feel like either is recognized as fully as they should be.
Depression and the associated disconnect and distraction it causes in me have made me not the best at birthdays or Mother’s Days — any gift-giving holidays, really — over the years. Knowing more about it, knowing how it functions, has gone a long way toward my being able to work around it, but the added punches of missing my own mom and the anniversary of her death being not so long ago…it’s a tough one for me to nail, and that’s just not fair to her.
My wife deserves to know what a great mom she is; deserves to hear it from The Little and I more often than she does, but especially today. She’s a badass who is the foundation of our family, and sets such a great example for our girl. I don’t know: It’s not like I think I’ve messed anything up this year — I feel like we had a good time on birthday and she knows how much we love and appreciate her. I just wish I was a little more present right now, is all.
Book: Allow Me to Retort: A Black Guy’s Guide to the Constitution, by Elie Mystal
I expected the smart, often funny dissection found within as a fan of Mystal on Twitter and from his appearances on cable news. I didn’t expect the Yoda impression, Big Lebowski shoutout, or his hilarious southern accent. TL;DR get the audiobook of this one, people, it does not disappoint.
Song: Emotion Sickness, by Queens Of The Stone Age
I mean, it’s been six years what else could it be but an automatic recommendation? Helps that the song is a banger. I didn’t know the new album was coming until a few days ago and now I can hardly wait the month out until it lands. Gimme.
The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom review — pure magic, by Keza MacDonald for The Guardian
A great review that gets to the heart of what makes the new Zelda unique to its predecessors, and to almost any other game in general.
My wife and I only have a few hours logged on Tears of the Kingdom so far, but its endless reward of creative problem-solving, along with that magical thing a great game gives you when you feel like you’ve done so much but at the same time you’ve done nothing yet in terms of the scope of the thing has made it already a standout in the series for me. Loving it.
With “Wolfwood”, Trigun Maximum Finds Grace in Death and a Moment of Quiet, by Justin Harrison for Shelfdust
Yes, I know all about why Trigun and Nicholas Wolfwood in particular were having a moment on Twitter this week, but it led me to this wonderful review of a volume of the manga that I may finally have to start after all these years.
See, I am a huge fan of the Trigun anime series. I love it, in fact and I’ve been meaning to get around to reading the series and its continuation, Maximum, to learn more about the world and characters and have questions answered that the show didn’t have room for (such as: “Who’s that?”, “What the fuck just happened? Why?” or “No, I mean it this time who is that?”).
The manga keeps falling off my radar and then a review like this comes along, beautifully describing the arc, its themes, and its place in the larger story. And I am reminded: Oh yeah, I need to start that. So hopefully I’ll be soon starting that.
That’s all, kiddos. Be sure to call your moms if you’re fortunate enough to have them around to call. If you don’t, remember I’m right there with you and so are so many others. We honor them in our own way.
Until next time.